How an FBI negotiator brought this agent back from burnout | Private Equity Weekly

In my early 30s, I was among the leaders in selling more homes than any other real estate agent in San Francisco. That’s pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, for a young woman starting out with no connections, no money, no sphere of influence, and no resume beyond a college degree in Latin American Studies Achievement.

In fact, I was burned out and ready to quit the industry. My first decade in real estate was filled with workaholism, competition and insecurity, unhealthy eating and too much red wine. It showed up in my skin, my waistline, and my ever-increasing cholesterol levels.

Deep down I wanted more. I got into real estate to build a good life that was financially prosperous, yes, but also a life filled with travel, personal time, tennis, skiing, walks with the dogs, and ultimately, kids.

After briefly exploring other careers and realizing that I didn’t want to start over, a process of inner reflection began after realizing that there were many enjoyable things about real estate and that I was very good at it. Since I’m from Northern California, that meant everything from therapy, coaching, tarot, and “running my energy” with a guru in Marin County.

How could I be so outwardly successful yet so unfulfilled? Is it completely impossible to be a “top producer” and live a life of more or less balanced healthy boundaries?

As agencies, why should we give away our value, strategy, and services for free? At the peak of my career, I was exhausted from all the free consultations and ready to quit. But with the help of former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss and the Advanced Emotional Intelligence, Situational Intelligence, and Tactical Empathy Toolkit, I found a new approach. It saved my career and my goal is to teach other agents that there is a better way than hustling, sacrificing, and giving everything away for free.

aha moment

Back in 2018, a friend and fellow agent in San Francisco suggested we go to Los Angeles to hear Chris Voss and Steve Shull talk about Voss’ book, Never split the difference. I had never heard of any of them but decided to go on a whim.

I sat in the Skirball Center, completely stunned.Voss illustrates what I’ve always suspected: people are no Make rational decisions when hiring an agent and the competitive environment is no even.

It was almost like one of those “awakening” moments, literally in an instant, where I realized what my intuition had been trying to tell me for years. It wasn’t my actual business that was causing my burnout. For the most part, I have had great clients and positive experiences. What kills me is all the unpaid work and mental effort I put into pursuing buyers and sellers who would never have hired me in the first place.

Have you ever had an experience where you were the more qualified choice, but they hired someone else to compete for the listing?, you don’t understand why? You are a better agent with a better record (and a good person). I used to joke that they hired another agent because they liked their shoes better than I did. It always seemed so random and not based on merit.

Why hire their old buyer’s agent or family friend to manage the sale of their most valuable financial asset when the home they’re selling represents a fraction of what you’re selling? They don’t hire surgeons, accountants, or litigators this way.as if they were Just take advantage of you to get an expert second opinion and free consultation to confirm what their industry friends or former agents are telling them.

Let’s break it down

Here’s how the traditional process of obtaining a new inventory typically works:

• The phone call or email comes in.
• You can book a listing appointment with a brief chat or email, which is usually scheduled for an evening or weekend that is convenient for the Client.
• You canceled any personal plans you had at the time.
• perhaps You’ll get some information about their situation ahead of time, but for the most part, you plan to dig into the details yourself.
• You prepare a customized marketing brief and CMA.
• Maybe you could even make a funky binder or iPad Prezi.
• You get dressed.
• You drive to the house.
• You spend 45 minutes to 2 hours at home reviewing your materials, walking around the property, making suggestions for improvements and property preparation to increase their ROI, and trying to build rapport.
• Finally, they thank you for your time and all your valuable information.
• They say they have a lot to consider and will get back to you with their decision.
• You leave feeling good because everything seems to be going well. Most of the time you are talking and the seller is nodding, which feels really good.
• You drive home and begin the follow-up process: a phone call (or three), a text, maybe an email, even a handwritten note or gift.

Then you either get the list or you don’t. If you don’t, you’ll feel bad and wonder what you did wrong. Maybe someone else gave a higher price? Maybe she charges a lower commission? Some of us signed up for more torture and asked sellers for feedback so we could improve next time.

Depending on how busy you are with other transactions, you may be disappointed for a few days, or even longer. You seek advice from your manager or real estate coach. They tell you it’s a numbers game. They tell you to work hard on your presentation.

Sound more or less familiar? This has been my process for 15 years. Because of my online presence, I get a lot of calls from strangers. I went on a lot of dates—a lot.

This makes me very miserable. I felt used and abused. It was draining my energy and life force. It sounds dramatic, but if you’re honest with yourself, there’s some truth to it.

new method

What if you could throw the entire process out the window and figure out in 10 minutes (or even less) over the phone or video call (aka Zoom) if you were going to get the business or if they were likely to hire someone else?

What if you wait for a commitment before providing details or services?What to do if you sign the checklist forward Going to the house?

What if you only provide value if the seller meets the following criteria:

1. Seriously sell goods
2. Seriously sell goods with you

In 2019, I stopped making listing appointments. I no longer offer the “free consultation,” the marketing and pricing presentation that most agents do before committing to a partnership.

This is what my business looks like now:

• I receive full payment every time.
• The buyer signs an exclusivity agreement every time.
• No more free consultations.I start the process back There is a shared commitment to working together.
• Buyer and seller briefings have moved from typical 1- to 2-hour affairs (plus preparation, travel time and follow-up) to 10-minute screening calls via video chat or phone. I go to the property with a commitment to cooperate, which almost always ends with a signed listing agreement. (My regulars thought this was funny. When we arrived at the property we were all seeing it for the first time.)
• I only work evenings or weekends when I need to. The vast majority of the time, work is completed during normal business hours.
• I can resolve any difficult conversation or situation with ease.
• I have time for myself, my family, and my hobbies.
• I am mentally, physically, emotionally and financially healthy.
• I enjoy my clients, my business, and my life more than ever.
• I am a better agent for my clients because I focus my energy on those who deserve it.

Agencies waste too much time listing demos that they won’t win. Once you stop the madness, your world will change and you will have a stress-free real estate business.

No more dog and pony shows (also known as listing presentations) for those who won’t hire you in the first place. This is just one example of the power of advanced situational intelligence and emotional intelligence in a real estate career. There are many more.

The lesson learned is that you can make changes, regain control, and stop struggling with burnout. Stay true to your authentic self, set boundaries and be patient. Such sweeping changes take time.

The bad news is that it’s not as simple and straightforward as it seems. It took me years of practice to learn how to hold my boundaries. If you’re interested in learning more about tactical empathy, situational intelligence, advanced emotional intelligence and how to implement them in your real estate business (and life), I’ll go into more detail about what I do in my next post about Inman What was learned.

Danielle Lazier is an agent associate Live real estate Powered by Side and Communication & Negotiation Performance Coach sell easily In San Francisco.contact her Instagram and LinkedIn.